forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
