It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
