sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
