Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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