Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
