Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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