I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
