Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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