Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
