my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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