I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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