I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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