i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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