Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
