Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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