I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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