He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
