Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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