Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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