can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
