this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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