how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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