pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
