his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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