He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am one with the molecules
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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