At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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