Do you still have your period?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
