Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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