idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
