Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He kissed a someone with a penis
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
