his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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