He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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