I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
