I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
