Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My vagina is very pro this idea
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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