Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
