We named our party play list daddy issues
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
