i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
