Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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