so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
