Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
