she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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