You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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