i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
