I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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