I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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