porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm having to shit out rocks
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
