Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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