i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
