just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
