u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
