I could make wine with my vomit
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
