he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
