you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
