I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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