And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
