Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
