I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
