Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
