I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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