it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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