I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
