I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize