Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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