please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
