I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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