I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
