Have you finally orgasmed yet?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm getting married
To pizza
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
