You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
True strength comes from lack of pants
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize